EPISODE 2:SELF IMAGE
My WCW and WCE sang some very spirited lyrics when she said “learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all”
When your mama pushed and you were born, no matter the circumstances of your birth, how much you have gone through, going through,you were born and as you read this, you breathe and exist. Now have you thought of you, your body, your image as a gift?
I can ask you to tell me what you see when you look at me? That’s going to be easy to do right? Kinda easy to judge others.
Now look in the mirror and tell you what you see when you are looking at you? What do you see
That’s your first assignment.
Let me be the scapegoat here, take me for example, I have chubby cheeks which I love and everyone who has ever loved me in a relationship or otherwise loved my cheek and do you know because of how much I loved my cheek (it wasn’t an obsession though) it won over some unbelievers in the cuteness of chubby cheeks. People that ‘yabbed’ me or were jeering at me for it, now think it’s cute. And it was because of how I feel about it. I really do love it sha. Lol
And my arms too, are a little chubby, I always find myself wearing a dress/top with a sleeve, if it doesn’t have a sleeve, guuurl I ain’t wearing it!! But one day I pulled myself up and said wait, what?! You are fit, you exercise (atleast I dey enter class small even if only once in awhile ) , you eat well. This is your body, it’s my image. People have where they add more than the regular. I should love it, it is me and I should flaunt it. And now I wear anything that suits my mood. Sleeve, no sleeves. Whatever. She queening.
Now being single, really single is knowing your body type and embracing it. Some people are naturally big boned. Love it. Embrace it. Some guys have really thin legs and you will find they always wear trousers, I have a friend like that. Like me he grew up to the point when he basically flipped the bird and now he wears shorts and mind I throw in, it makes him look like a model! Win!
Now if you are in a relationship or married and you haven’t learnt how to be single, let’s say that your girlfriend or wife admires 6 packs but try as hard as you can, you can’t get past having 4 packs or 2. Flat tummy yes but not 6 packs. You start feeling inadequate. If she compliments a guy with 6 pack on TV you get upset or angry or jealous. Of a guy on TV! If you are truly single, you would love your body, admire the 6packs if you like it too, laugh about it and move on. If you personally want to have 6 packs and decide to do everything to get it because you want it, note because YOU want it . Then that’s fine too. As a fact you could get it and girlfriend or wifey won’t fancy it anymore. Do you then become a slave of changes?! Putting unnecessary strain on your marriage or relationship, because you think your partner wants Nicki Minja’s butts when yours look like Rihanna. Do 100 squats a day and still nothing. Then you start getting depressed, why?!!
Ever heard TLC’s song ‘Unpretty ‘?
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I too
Never insecure until I met you
Now I’m bein’ stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you and then I’ll get back to me… ‘
Those lyrics is exactly what I mean
Being single is knowing when your partner always makes you feel unpretty when you know you are pretty, knowing when to step away from the plate if you aren’t married and the relationship is becoming very toxic. It can even be a relationship with yourself. Wanting to be like him or her. Quit.
And if married, being truly single is loving your body, flaunt your body, care for it, don’t let yourself be excessively booed because it doesn’t fit squarely with what your mate wants. Make him or her want you just the way you are. And it’s easier when you love you the way you are.
Your self image shouldn’t be totally dependent on your partner, you should have a larger control on it yourself, that’s what is called being single. Because unless you have unconditioned yourself to validate itself as your partner or fashion or fad desires, you are not truly single. You are giving your relationship or marriage more work to deal with, you have mannerism, attitudes and other imperfections to deal with. Why add your insecurity or lack of self worth to the already vulnerable mix.
Now I am not saying you can have potbelly and be happy with it. Quite the contrary being single is knowing your self image is important to YOU , you should keep it. Don’t let go or let your body go because you are comfortable in your skin or your partner accepts you the way you are when you know you can be better. If you look at yourself in the mirror and remove the approval or disapproval of the person you are with in a relationship or marriage or you by yourself , what do you see? Are you happy with it? Are you trying to do better? Have you really tried your best(not obsessively) and that’s it. And maybe keep trying If you know you aren’t the best version of yourself yet ?
If you have good self image, you won’t need anyone else in order to be somebody.
You won’t need anyone else in order to feel good about your body, about you. Your self image. You wouldn’t need your husband or wife or girlfriend or boyfriend to force you to look better (though there is nothing wrong with a little nudge sometimes) when you are single you want to look better, be better, for you then in extension for them.
Being single is looking in the mirror and saying Uvie you need to start working out or Uvie this is the way you were born,deal with it, love it, this is Uvie.
I am going to say something that would make most Nigerians throw stones at me, being the conservatives that we are. But even if you safely want to go under the knife to be the best of you for you, it’s up to you. For example those who are or tilting on obesity.
It feels great for someone to tell you “damn you look good!” but it feels way better to know ” damn I look good!”
The essence of this write is to tell you, that the way you feel about your body, yourself inside and outside would mirror the way people see you. To be truly single is to be secure in your self image.
NOTE :I am not saying be a narcissist or don’t put the desire of your partner into consideration. I am saying strike a balance. Love your neighbor as yourself. As you love yourself.
Love you muchos!